If you listened to the last episode of the podcast, I was talking about now or never. That philosophy has become even stronger over the past few weeks.
I think, like many of us, I've concluded that it's so easy to fill your life with things to do, lists of things to do, work, running around and, for the last seven months, life has been full on. It been relentless. I’ve been working, we’ve done stuff for Chris, we’ve been involved in setting up a Men’s Shed, and we had so little downtime.
I found myself reaching capacity. Nothing has crashed to the ground. None of those plates that I've been spinning have crashed and broken. But I've just been living on that edge thinking something has to give soon.
I'm always concerned that we've had a booking for Chris and, for some reason, I forget it, or don't put it in the calendar. And we're sitting here one night and we get a phone call saying, oh, are you nearly here? We've forgotten.
All my daily writing that I was doing religiously has gone by the bye. It's not so much about missing things, but it's increasingly important for me to prioritise the things that I really want to do.
… it turns out milestone birthdays, such as turning 70, 80, and 90, often prompt us to ask ourselves, “How am I doing?” and, “Is it time to make some changes?”
For me, being 60 wasn't a milestone birthday, it was just another birthday - I really don't do birthdays. But I can see what Katharine means, that it's a moment that is giving you pause and making you think about how do you want to live. I believe there is also some sort of biological process at play.
This has been nudging away at me. It's been walking behind me. And there have been a lot of things over the past few months that I've ended up doing but not really wanting to do - I know sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. But, increasingly, I want to focus on the things that bring me joy, the things that make me happy, those dreams that I've not yet fulfilled.
There's some sort of metamorphosis taking place. This year my word for the year was alchemy which, at the beginning of the year, I really wasn't sure about. It just seemed a pompous word. But there has been an alchemical shift and I can see that carrying on and I can see myself changing. Becoming something different, a different person, doing different things, and being more fulfilled.
Kris Kristofferson on William Blake:
David Bowie spoke of aging as becoming the real you and that's how it feels - as though, up to now, I've lived my life and I've done lots of amazing things and I've had really great times. I've had to work a lot, which sometimes I've not wanted to do. I've had many dreams, goals and wishes that are still unfulfilled.
Life is change and to be truly alive means to be repeatedly transforming ourselves ~ Michael Meade
Sometimes there's a sense that we need to stay the same. We shouldn't change. We should stay the same and be good old reliable Nicola and everybody knows what you stand for. But we shift and change so much and we should embrace that.
This is where I'm at right now. I feel like there's massive change and a huge shift coming. Part of it is thinking what I want my life to look like and what it could look like. And it always comes back to the same things for me.
This morning when I had a bit more time because I didn't have to dash off, I went to see the lambs, I rescued a ewe that got a head through the stock fence, I said hello to Douglas, had a quick look at the puppies and I was outside. I was just wandering about taking some photographs, making a bit of video. Nothing earth shattering or mind blowing but those things that really make me happy.
These are huge things and what I want more of. Being able to spend more time on the farm and spend more time writing about spending time on the farm, taking photographs of the animals, taking photographs of walks and fields and forests and different landscapes around here.
Sage + Siren
This is where Sage + Siren comes in.
I read an article by a guy called Tom Morgan. He was talking about sageism rather than ageism. And I thought, wow, that is such a great concept. What if we thought of people as they get older being more about the sage and the wise woman rather than these old age pensioners or seniors?
The sage of sage + siren comes from thinking more about sageism rather than ageism - the wisdom that we've acquired over the years, the experiences we've had, the people we've met, the places we've been, the jobs we've done, the skills we've acquired.
Siren was Chris' idea. I was trying to come up with sage + ???, and I hadn't really got what I wanted. Chris said, what about sage + siren? And I thought, that's great.
The siren is a mythical creature. (We'll forget the bit about luring the sailors to crash on the rocks with their singing). A siren has a bit of sass about them. They’re a bit feisty.
The other definition of siren is a loud noise that wakes you from your stupor. It makes you think uh oh what was that? Is it danger? Is it an alarm?
Looking at both meanings of the word siren combines the idea of a dangerous wild woman with a wake-up call to get on with your life, and do the things that you want to do.
Things are changing around here and it might not look quite the same as it has in the past, but I hope that there's a lot more excitement, joy, fulfilment, meaning and purpose.
As you get older, the questions come down to about two or three. How long? And what do I do with the time I’ve got left? Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been ~ David Bowie
(I originally recorded this in Voicenotes).