Sheep are My Life Now
IWD Siren Songs
Yesterday, I Googled a couple of people I used to work with. There they were, suited and booted, perfectly made up, immaculately dressed. I remember those days. I never looked that good. I abandoned make up, apart from brown eye shadow, years before. I did smart but was never known for my sartorial elegance. I bought work clothes from M&S or Next. Usually black or navy blue. I only wore ankle boots, even in Summer.
I scrolled through Instagram photos. Of ‘all company’ meetings. How I used to loathe those. There were company profile pictures. Everyone looked very earnest.
I’d spent the day extending our chicken run, with help from Phil the Farmer. My wellies were covered in muck - cow, sheep, hen. I wore one of Chris’ old t-shirts. Zero make-up.
After a final cuddle with Muffin before he and his new Mum went off to the field, I cleared brambles, took down chicken wire, piled weeds and cuttings on the bonfire. The chicken wire fought back, adding neat scratches to the inside of my right arm. A rose bush slashed a 4” line on my left arm, drawing blood.
We put in new posts and pulled up old ones. I lugged a roll of chicken wire from post to post, attaching each section with cable ties. The chickens had a field day, slipping through the gaps and raiding the garden, upending new plants.
This is my life now.
There are no suits left in my wardrobe. Still only brown eyeshadow for special occasions. My commute is a ten minute drive to the farm. My colleagues are sheep and hens! And the occasional farmer.
No more interminable Zoom calls. I chat to the animals as I check over them each day. One to ones have been replaced with lamb cuddles.
I inhabit a different world. I don’t recognise the old one any more. Even though it looks unchanged in a Groundhog Day sort of way. There are no in house politics where I work. Just ‘where’s my food?’ and ‘cuddle me’. Everyone’s pleased to see me. Some do a little jig when I arrive. Others call out to me.
Back in 2019 when I left my old job, I had no idea what the future held. Definitely not hens and sheep. We didn’t meet Phil the Farmer until 2022. It was a year later when we finally persuaded him to let us have some land for our smallholding.
My biggest bugbear in the corporate world was a lack of daylight. Especially in Winter. You arrived at work in the dark, spent all day in offices or meeting rooms, sometimes without windows. It was dark again when you left.
My life, these days, is governed by sunrise and sunset. The hens like to be up and at ‘em. I’ve seen snowdrops peep through and watched clusters of white form in the orchard or down the lane. Now we’re on daffodils. I spotted early signs of green shoots and the flowers are on their way.
I missed a lot of this when I had a day job. I remember having minor anxiety about blossom. The trees near the Cathedral were laden with pink but some years I never managed to get there. Just a quick glimpse from the car and a feeling of sadness in the pit of my stomach. A wind would blow through and all the blossom would be gone.
I wondered what my old colleagues would think of me now.
Deep down, I’ve always been unconventional but found ways to fit in. I wasn’t a fan of hustling and crushing it, but I was quietly competitive, worked hard, and hit my targets. But there was often a sense that there must be something more.
This week, I squashed into a trailer with twenty of last year’s lambs, and Phil. He wormed them, and I sprayed a green dot on their back. Then we dipped them and another farmer’s sheep. I pushed the sheep up the ramp towards the dip. Some of them weren’t keen. My three cade lambs were as good as gold.
Work was not life and death, although some days it seemed as if that was the case. I’ve seen life and death. I’ve delivered lambs. I’ve seen the ones that didn’t make it. I’ve nurtured poorly ewes and loved motherless lambs.
I doubt any of my former clients remember me, or even former colleagues. I did some good work but that’s all gone now.
But I know that there are sheep out there who will always remember me. Among them, Dot Dot, Tinkles, Blue, Bramble and Muffin. The ones who come running when they see me.
This is my life now.